To all Good Things…

“A story has no beginning or end: arbitrarily one chooses that moment of experience from which to look back or from which to look ahead.”
― Graham Greene, The End of the Affair

Everything you were following has ended since I last wrote almost a year ago. I had planned to write not long after my last post, but life decided that I wouldn’t function for a while. Let me catch you up:

In June of 2018, Jeremy started training to do a new massage modality called “Watsu”. It’s a melding of shiatsu with the weightlessness of water. He was going full boar, the way he does with everything he gets into. If there is one thing Jeremy is always, it’s passionate.

In July, a friend of his listened to his frustrations with finding a therapy pool warm enough for the modality. Even therapy pools are usually 2-5 degrees too cool for the requirement of 96° F. His wonderful friend is an electrician and remembered inspecting the wiring for a house not far away that was for sale. It also included an indoor pool. The house was well priced and well located in the town that most of our clientelle lives in. It seemed a dream of a purchase for us. We were approved by the credit union of our choice and purchased said house.

In August, we moved from our front door into our new front door. We were new home owners. I was excited to have a garden and a home base for everything we did. We listed the extra bedrooms on Airbnb to try to make some extra cash. We set up our massage room and Jeremy started making preparations for a Watsu pool right in our hometown.

In September, we had some hiccups with the pool heater. Thankfully, we were able to go forward with the business in the house and Jeremy started seeing clients. Our home and our relationship seemed to be coming together quite nicely. We each had friends and jobs that we adored.

In October, everything crashed. Jeremy asked me for a divorce on October 11. I happily obliged. He moved in his new girlfriend. With the rollercoaster that we have lived, I couldn’t do it anymore. You see, in June, Jeremy began a manic episode. During these, he has always had a hard time with impulse control. Buying the house and ramping up his watsu practice added to the excitement, which added to the spiral. We weren’t able to contain it before it struck our marriage. And my boundaries were broken in a way that wouldn’t have been fair to either of us to continue and he didn’t want to continue putting in the effort to gain it back.

So, in November, I moved out of the house I spent only 3 months getting used to. I moved closer to work. It cut my drive down from 42 miles to 11. It also gave him the opportunity to keep doing something that will provide for his life and well-being. I am now living with a group of good friends and moving on with my life. For the last 4 months or so, I’ve worked through in my brain how this can be my life now. Less than a year ago, I was ready to stay in the RV for the rest of my life. I was happy to be with my best friend every day and live a life that, although not conventional, worked for us as much as life can with mental illness.

Now, here in March, I am happy and peaceful after our finalization. We still have the boys we share. They will not abandon me as their stepmom. I have a grandbaby to get to know as much as I can and she’s beautiful. I have friends and family who care about and for me. I am in a place to embrace all of me and share it with only those who respect it. I know more about boundaries and expectations than I ever have. I will always expect respect for my boundaries. And I will share myself with the family and friends who do so. I have embraced Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.

No matter where you run into me, just know that I will always live a crazy, nomad life, even if I’m tied to a home-base. It might be in RV life, it might be running a 5k, it might be none of the above. Either way, stay safe, stay sane, and I’ll see you on the road.