I like to go around reading others’ writing as well. Every once in a great while, I run across something that I really relate to.
Today, I saw something posted semi- privately and I instantly wanted to spread it far and wide. I can’t say that I still struggle with these thoughts, but there are very important people in my life that do. I found this helpful for those of us that want to help, but don’t know where to start.
I went about getting permission from this person. She said she didn’t want any credit other than sharing her name. No links; no pingbacks. Her badge is Jade Sage. Thank you for sharing your heart and your writing. Hope we see you on the road.
So, without further adieu, here is a profound writing by Jade Sage.
Okay, so I’ve been dealing with some things lately, that have been pushing me towards that edge. I’ve been actively suicidal for close to a week… and this isn’t my first time here.
But this isn’t about me or my problems, specifically.
This is a PSA.
A lot of people don’t know what to do when someone they know is suicidal. They don’t know what to say, because what if they say the wrong thing? Or they don’t understand depression and can’t relate. And that’s okay. Really, it is.
Some of us are fortunate enough to have good brain chemistry. Some of us have developed healthy coping mechanisms. And some of us have neither of those things. Or parts of them, and it’s not enough.
Anthony Bourdain died today, from suicide. He didn’t commit suicide- he is not guilty of a crime. Suicide killed him. Depression killed him. I keep hearing that people are shocked, that they never saw it coming. Sometimes it’s the people that seem most together, that need the most help. Bourdain was a drug user- that was his coping mechanism.
People who die from suicide are your friends, family. Neighbours, pastor, anyone. There is no prejudice, for depression.
So when you have a friend who is suicidal, what do you do? What can you do? Here are my thoughts:
– be honest. If you can’t relate, tell us… but maybe add that you would like to help.
– ask us what you can do for us. Honestly, sometimes all I need are creature comforts, like my heating blanket, to make me feel a bit better.
– do not NOT talk about your life. So many people don’t want to overburden a suicidal person, but by shying away from sharing, you’re pushing us away, and cutting us out. By sharing your own life, you create grounds on which two way empathy can be built.
– check up on us. Please. Be annoying. We will eventually respond. Your messages tell us that someone cares.
– please don’t recommend therapy, drugs, or suicide hotlines. (At least, not more than once!) We know they exist, but if we are sharing with you, we need a personal connection. Suggesting these things, while meant in a helpful way, actually can push us away.
– be kind. Even if you don’t have the energy to handle us, be kind.
– it’s okay to not be able to handle us. Sometimes what someone else is dealing with is too much for you- and we understand that! That’s why we are in this situation! So if it’s too much for you, tell us you love us and that you want to help, but listening is too hard- ask how ELSE you can help.
Suicidal people are people. We need help and support. We don’t need lectures, moral opinions, and judgment.